Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
