ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
