his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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