I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
