we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
