bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
