It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
