your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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