Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
