Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
