Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
