ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize