i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
