im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
This house was built for laser tag.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
