True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize