I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
