Little spoons don't ask big questions
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
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