i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Holy sore nipples Batman
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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