He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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