How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He? As in you personified your dick?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
