It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
