I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
