I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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