if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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