Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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