Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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