His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize