I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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