better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
