Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
