How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
