i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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