How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
