What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
