I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
