I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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