You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
When did angry sex become our thing?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
