Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
