Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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