Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
