I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
