Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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