i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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