Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
