True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
