i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
