Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
