All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
