OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
