Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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