I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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