a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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