Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
