We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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