i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
