What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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