I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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