that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
