we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
