grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize