Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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