mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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