He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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