a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Dick very happy bro
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
