is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
