I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
