Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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