he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I could make wine with my vomit
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize