Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
