I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
