She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
