What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
