Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
